He’s Mostly Dead…


The Recently Deceased

They were going to give him a real funeral, but then they saw something shiny.

Location: Fenris Isle, Silverpine Forest

Faction: Horde

…So let’s just mostly bury him.  Continuing on from my discussion on the complete lack of effort on the behalf of Thule Ravenclaw last week, here we have absolutely non-implied evidence of how lazy these undead are.  They don’t even finish burying the bodies. Just look at the picture. Legs are sticking up, and the best we get in terms of explanation is that it was “hastily dug.”

If anything, this is probably based on who Thule has in his employ.  Now most necromancers do a pretty fine job with slaves.  Deatholme up in the Ghostlands is full of different kinds of undead.  The nerubians are a favorite, and the ghost and walking corpses of men and elves can prove to be quite adept at handling tasks – though I’ve always been surprised that animated skeletons seem to have a better handle on things than the zombies.  Somehow by losing all your flesh and organs, you somehow become better adept at utilizing armor and weapons.  Perhaps it’s a reverse living to dead thing.  As the more alive and healthier we are, we can use stronger and better items (supposedly), but in undeath the more dead you are the better you are at doing things…  though this only seems to apply to humans…  Humans that are not Arthas…  Humans that are not Arthas or Necromancers…  Okay, I’m just going to retract the theory.

Anyway, what type of fiendish creature has Thule raised from the dead to serve him in his crusade against the forsaken and the living?  Why, Gnolls, of course.  Because when you think good minions, you think abunch of undead ugly hyena furries.  While I will concede that the Gnolls do have the ability to wield weapons and wear armor, and they probably could outsmart an ogre, I don’t exactly associate them with intelligence or even being remotely adept at performing assigned tasks.  The Quillboar seem to be more organized than the Gnolls which probably explains why the Scourge is trying to get them on their side.  Probably because of ‘Thule the Fool’s’ terrible attempts at making an undead gnoll army.

I mean, it’s not hard to bury a body.  Dig a deep enough hole -> bury -> ???? -> profit.  It’s not hard! But somehow these bumbling zombie gnolls, have managed to screw it up.  I don’t think they can possibly focus on a task for more than five minutes at most.  And is it really a shocker that there are no Gnoll centric dungeons?  What is it that they can really offer as a challenge?  And don’t you DARE try and say Hogger.  Hogger is a joke.  A massive elaborate joke for the fan base. He is not a valid threat. I denounce Hogger.

So, what have learned in these past two weeks? Well, maybe it’s that if you have the time and knowledge to learn how to raise the dead and bind them to your service in order to please a near immortal being that controls the powers of death itself…  Maybe you should put some effort into it.  Seriously.  Look at Kel’Thuzad.  He was banished (or packed up his things and gave the Kirin Tor the finger and strolled out on his own accord, depending on which version of the story you wanna listen to) and established a veritable evil empire to carry out his will.  No wonder he’s a Lich and Thule the Fool is sitting across the pond from the Undercity calling Lady Windrunner a “doodie head” with a bunch of undead mutts bumbling around.

Categories: Eastern Kingdom, Oddities | Tags: , , , , , | 1 Comment

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One thought on “He’s Mostly Dead…

  1. You…you…you denounced HOGGER!?!?

    You will pay for this treachery.

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