Location: Anywhere Noblegarden is celebrated
Now I’m an open minded guy. I don’t take issue with the marriage between a human and a gnome. I voted for reforming the forsaken health care system to exclude “already dead” as a preexisting condition to refuse coverage. I even protested the unlawful removal of tauren for the excavation of Bael Modan. (I protested with dynamite!) But there are just some things I don’t want to see in a public place. Namely, a bunch of rabbits bumping uglies all over the table at the local tavern. It’s not sanitary!
In case you don’t know what I’m talking about – because honestly once you get credit for the Spring Fling achievement why bother actually looking at what it entails – when you get a pair of Spring Rabbits to meet up they get little hearts over their heads and then immediately start going at it. By going at it I mean they start hopping around as a pair and shooting little eggs out that transform into baby bunnies.
I don’t know what’s worse, that this can happen almost anywhere including the table I was planning to eat at or that this is a completely inaccurate view of how rabbits breed. Don’t get me wrong, in Azeroth a lot of strange things can happen. But I don’t care if it’s Dun Morogh, Kalimdor, or even Outland – Rabbits do NOT lay eggs. This is not even up for discussion.
But even the gross misconception of how basic biology works doesn’t bother me as much as the revelation this whole act brings to light. The bunnies lay eggs (not really ‘lay’ – they fire off eggs out of their coupling like spilling water on a mogwai) which burst into flowers and a baby bunny emerges. The odd thing is that the eggs look exactly like the colorful eggs that people spend all of Noblegarden running around and collecting, breaking open and devouring the chocolate inside. What this seems to imply is the “yolk” of the bunny egg is made of chocolate and what we are actually eating and using for currency during Noblegarden is actually rabbit embryos.
I have no doubt that you have a horrified or disgusted look on your face right now. That’s the exact same look that was on my face when I pieced this together myself. The fact that DEHTA isn’t all over Noblegarden is absolutely shocking. There’s an achievement to eat 100 chocolates – That’s 100 dead bunnies, people! I know, I know. We do it for chickens… and rocs… and dragonhawks… but these are BUNNIES! Cute and cuddly bunnies! Do you wanna kill bunnies? Okay, well yes, I did kill a lot of bunnies when I first starting leveling my skinning for the easy leather. But these are BABY bunnies. Do you wanna… oh forget it.
Noblegarden is just an all around messed up holiday in Azeroth. You’re eating bunny embryos from a method of rabbit breeding that is completely ridiculous and inaccurate. Men and women across the land are encouraged to cross-dress. You have to run through an area that is a giant dinosaur death trap to drop an egg (a baby bunny) in boiling water. All for the sake of being called ‘The Noble’. What kind of messed up version of nobility is this?
And do not get me started on why some of the baby bunny eggs have tuxes and dresses in them. I don’t even want to think about it.