Planet of the Bugs… & Elves… Trolls too


Location: Thousand Needles

Atop the plateau that lines the outer ring of Thousand Needles, just past the the Twilight’s Hammer camp where they are forging some multi-faceted monstrosity called Animus, there is a giant stone green head.  This tells me two things:  First, no one apparently likes kal’dorei sculpture as I’m fairly certain not a one of these massive statues lies in tact anywhere on Kalimdor. And two,  that Thousand Needles is the Forbidden Zone.  Oh yes, the goblins and gnomes were warned by the night elf sage, Daktor Zayas, to not venture to the Forbidden Zone. They wanted to keep their secret safe! But now I will tell the tale and reveal the history kept secret in the ancient halls of Darnasus, of how this world came to be.

Way before there were night elves (June of 2002) there was a powerful race of bug people. And the bug people often fought with the non-bug-people (Trolls and…  other… trolls?) and they had all these big wars (Infinite Bug Crisis, Final Bug Crisis, Blackest Bug, Brightest Troll) until the night elves finally got fed up with it, asked some dragons for help, and locked the bugs in Ahn’Qiraj (Which is bug people talk for “Giant Roach Motel”) so they could finally get a good night’s sleep.

What?  You were expected some startling revelation?  Well how about a giant statue of Queen Azshara… BUT WITH A BUG HEAD?!  No?  Doesn’t work for ya?  Yea. That ending is lame.  But seriously, where the heck did this head come from?  The only legitimate idea I could come up with is that it’s kind of like when you find dinosaur bones form a similar region half way across the globe because of tectonic plates shifting (That’s a real thing right? Cause my science-fu sucks. Until last month, I didn’t think Pluto had any moons because that’s what I remember some book in elementary school saying.)  So maybe Pre-Sundering it was actually pretty close to night elf territory.

Other than that it is entirely possible that 1K Needles and Tanaris were once a thriving night elf forest.  Until the bugs came.  That’s the real reason the War of Shifting Sands happened.  No old gods.  No global threat.  The elves were ticked off because a bunch of giant termites ate all their trees.  You hurt a tree, you can bet a night elf will be there to stab you in a drop of a hat.  How much you want to bet that every major war in the history of the night elves is based around trees. Burning Legion? Burnt the trees. Bug people?  Ate the trees.  Orcs?  Cut the trees.

So that what have we learned today?  That elves suck at making statues and do NOT mess with their trees. They loooove their trees.

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Categories: Kalimdor, Oddities | Leave a comment

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