Beware the Bunnies


So it’s Noblegarden time again, and tradition dictates that I make some kind of post about a rabbit. Luckily, I’ve got a doozy of a hare-raising tale that keep you hopping.  Oh I’ve hinted at it, and I’ve mentioned it, but now it’s time to actually talk about.  In the heart of Forsaken territory, beneath the still waters of a small pond, lies an unimaginable terror beyond comprehension:

A GIANT BUNNY SKELETON! No, seriously.  Take a look at that thing.  Look at the bones!  It’s a bunny.  With giant pointy teeth and huge dangerous claws.  I mean, this thing is probably was the most dangerous critter in the history of Azeroth and I am INCLUDING the Darkmoon Rabbit in that.  I mean, Thrall’s balls, that is one big bunny.  Where do you think it came from and how the hell did someone kill it?

Well, I wouldn’t be posting if I didn’t have some theories now would I? The first piece of evidence is quite possibly the location of the Devil Rabbit.  Tirisfal Glades is home to, well, a number of weird things.  From the ongoing fan theory that an Old God dwells beneath the surface contributing to everything from the corruption of Prince Arthas to the slow maddening descent of the current ruler, Lady Windrunner.  The Old God’s ability to twist living things to their needs can easily be witnessed in the “Faceless” and the Qiraji.  However, I am not one hundred percent on this idea. Simply because it seems unlikely that an Old God would choose something like a rabbit to be its minion to bring destruction amongst the living.  Unless the Old God happens to be Sheogorath.  Then it makes perfect sense. Because it doesn’t make any sense.  Who wants cheese?

I suppose there is some merit to having a giant bunny become a tormented bringer of the end times.  For one, just imagine the utter confusion it would cause.  No one would come to anyone’s defense.  I mean, would you send your military forces to aid a neighboring city or land because they’re claiming a giant devil rabbit is slaughtering everyone? No. You’d think they’d gone mad and stopped returning their owls.  Second, is that if the bunny is some horrible nightmarish lovecraftian nightmare, people might hesitate about killing the giant adorable death machine.  Even a seconds hesitation is enough to give beelzebunny a chance to devour you and your kin!

Another possibility lies in the fairy ring that lies in the western hills of Tirisfal.  Perhaps the fairy ring is a link to the Emerald Dream, where nature rules supreme! Ages ago, a living terror burst forth from this ring into the unsuspecting lands of Azeroth.  From deep within the dream, a simple bunny grew massive and powerful and…  okay, honestly I have no idea if there’s any backing to this Emerald Dream theory.  That fairy ring is weird.  A giant bunny is weird.  That’s about the extent of the link.  But you have to admit, I’ve had further reaching theories in the past.

For all we know, this thing could be ancient.  Possibly even pre-dating the titans.  Unless we find out in an expansion or two that rabbits were only made of stone and blah blah blah.  Unlikely.  This thing could be a prehistoric bunny.  Possible an ancestor to the weapon carrying death critters that dwell north of Mulgore.  Which would mean that this thing would pre-date the Shattering!  Or the Sundering.  Whichever of those is older.  Cause let’s be honest, the Sundering was more of a Shattering and the Shattering more of a Sundering really.

Our Hero!

The other thing is how the hell did it die?  I mean, did someone kill it?  Did they use a spear and magic freaking helmet to do it?  Did it drown in some ancient quicksand hole?  Did it drown in the tiny pond because giant death bunnies can’t swim?!  The possibilities are endless.  Though likely it was something along the lines of the quicksand idea because its head and one arm is apparently higher than most of its body. Seems like it was trying to flee from being dragged under.  I still really like the spear and magic helmet idea though.

Really, the biggest question is why no one in the Undercity is trying to come up with a way to ressurect it.  While they seem to have had only success raising dead humans (even cursed humans like worgen are impossible), it’s not out of the absolute range of possibilities.  After all, the Lich King had the frostwyrms.  They were raised dragons.  So there must be SOME way to bring back a giant bunny o’ killomatic from beyond the grave.  Heck, you can do it with archaeology!  So someone get the Royal Apothecary Society on the job! And while they’re at it, they can slap a saddle on that thing. I wants me a new mount! Mwa ha ha!

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Categories: Eastern Kingdom, Oddities | Tags: , , , , | 2 Comments

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2 thoughts on “Beware the Bunnies

  1. I hope no one in Undercity read this because a giant Undead bunny it just too horrific to contemplate, shiver. But as a mount, now that has possiblilties!

    As chilling as this post was I’m just so tickled that I have another good expletive to use, Thrall’s balls! I love that, my husband is going to get so sick of hearing this tonight.

    • As much as I’d like to take credit for “Thrall’s Balls”, it was originally from the Horde quest ‘Blood and Thunder’. Uttered by Legionnaire Nazgrim. :) But I hope you have fun with it!

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