New Level Cap, New Ironman

Well, it’s happened folks.  The challenge was set forth and the World of Warcraft rose to meet it.  We have a new Ironman.

It’s been declared that LYSSAN of VEK’LINASH (US) is our World First Level 90 Immortal Ironman. A great big congratulations on the achievement!

As it has been with past winners, your name is now eternally carved into the history of the Ironman Challenge.

And I must say, a huge props on accomplishing this task with a priest.  Early on in the challenge I know a couple people tried to do priests, thinking that the heals and shield would be helpful in the long run.  Ultimately they were defeated by the massive drain of their mana pool. While I’m not sure if that has changed at all in Mists of Pandaria, I am still willing to say that hitting level 90 on priest Ironman style takes balls. Iron balls.  So a massive congrats to Lyssan!

Beware the Bunnies

So it’s Noblegarden time again, and tradition dictates that I make some kind of post about a rabbit. Luckily, I’ve got a doozy of a hare-raising tale that keep you hopping.  Oh I’ve hinted at it, and I’ve mentioned it, but now it’s time to actually talk about.  In the heart of Forsaken territory, beneath the still waters of a small pond, lies an unimaginable terror beyond comprehension:

A GIANT BUNNY SKELETON! No, seriously.  Take a look at that thing.  Look at the bones!  It’s a bunny.  With giant pointy teeth and huge dangerous claws.  I mean, this thing is probably was the most dangerous critter in the history of Azeroth and I am INCLUDING the Darkmoon Rabbit in that.  I mean, Thrall’s balls, that is one big bunny.  Where do you think it came from and how the hell did someone kill it?

Well, I wouldn’t be posting if I didn’t have some theories now would I? The first piece of evidence is quite possibly the location of the Devil Rabbit.  Tirisfal Glades is home to, well, a number of weird things.  From the ongoing fan theory that an Old God dwells beneath the surface contributing to everything from the corruption of Prince Arthas to the slow maddening descent of the current ruler, Lady Windrunner.  The Old God’s ability to twist living things to their needs can easily be witnessed in the “Faceless” and the Qiraji.  However, I am not one hundred percent on this idea. Simply because it seems unlikely that an Old God would choose something like a rabbit to be its minion to bring destruction amongst the living.  Unless the Old God happens to be Sheogorath.  Then it makes perfect sense. Because it doesn’t make any sense.  Who wants cheese?

I suppose there is some merit to having a giant bunny become a tormented bringer of the end times.  For one, just imagine the utter confusion it would cause.  No one would come to anyone’s defense.  I mean, would you send your military forces to aid a neighboring city or land because they’re claiming a giant devil rabbit is slaughtering everyone? No. You’d think they’d gone mad and stopped returning their owls.  Second, is that if the bunny is some horrible nightmarish lovecraftian nightmare, people might hesitate about killing the giant adorable death machine.  Even a seconds hesitation is enough to give beelzebunny a chance to devour you and your kin!

Another possibility lies in the fairy ring that lies in the western hills of Tirisfal.  Perhaps the fairy ring is a link to the Emerald Dream, where nature rules supreme! Ages ago, a living terror burst forth from this ring into the unsuspecting lands of Azeroth.  From deep within the dream, a simple bunny grew massive and powerful and…  okay, honestly I have no idea if there’s any backing to this Emerald Dream theory.  That fairy ring is weird.  A giant bunny is weird.  That’s about the extent of the link.  But you have to admit, I’ve had further reaching theories in the past.

For all we know, this thing could be ancient.  Possibly even pre-dating the titans.  Unless we find out in an expansion or two that rabbits were only made of stone and blah blah blah.  Unlikely.  This thing could be a prehistoric bunny.  Possible an ancestor to the weapon carrying death critters that dwell north of Mulgore.  Which would mean that this thing would pre-date the Shattering!  Or the Sundering.  Whichever of those is older.  Cause let’s be honest, the Sundering was more of a Shattering and the Shattering more of a Sundering really.

Our Hero!

The other thing is how the hell did it die?  I mean, did someone kill it?  Did they use a spear and magic freaking helmet to do it?  Did it drown in some ancient quicksand hole?  Did it drown in the tiny pond because giant death bunnies can’t swim?!  The possibilities are endless.  Though likely it was something along the lines of the quicksand idea because its head and one arm is apparently higher than most of its body. Seems like it was trying to flee from being dragged under.  I still really like the spear and magic helmet idea though.

Really, the biggest question is why no one in the Undercity is trying to come up with a way to ressurect it.  While they seem to have had only success raising dead humans (even cursed humans like worgen are impossible), it’s not out of the absolute range of possibilities.  After all, the Lich King had the frostwyrms.  They were raised dragons.  So there must be SOME way to bring back a giant bunny o’ killomatic from beyond the grave.  Heck, you can do it with archaeology!  So someone get the Royal Apothecary Society on the job! And while they’re at it, they can slap a saddle on that thing. I wants me a new mount! Mwa ha ha!

Mists of Pandaria Leaks You Won’t Believe (Cause they’re LIES!)

Hello and welcome! I am, of course, the distinguished and honored Professor Gnomey, an acclaimed expert on truthism and internetology at Gnomeregan Gnuniveristy.  Professor Billy could not be here today due to some… uh… legal troubles.  Something about him forging his credentials or some such.  Anyway, I am here to discuss the fabulous and fantastical Mists of Pandaria beta.  Or namely, to address some HORRIBLE rumors being tossed around the ‘Tweetor’.  You seem, some rascally hooligans thought it would be fun to make up things about the new WoW expansion on the internet.  Thus breaking the delicate and carefully maintained balance of everything on the internet being true.  Which it has. Completely.  I trusted every word I read on there until these trouble makers decided to start flat out LYING to the whole world.  But I one upped them all. I took notes. I wrote them aaaaall down.  And now I’m gonna to expose them for the dirty little liars they all are.  These are just some of the lies I saw perpetrated under the extremely deceptive hashtag of #FakeMoPBetaLeaks!

@Vrykerion

• In order to combat perceived Horde bias, Alliance quests will get extra love & have twice as many pop culture references.
• The Horde wins, all players get free faction transfers, Alliance becomes a neutral faction of NPCs
• To make Pandaria easier to traverse without flying, a gnomish train system dubbed ‘The Panda Express’ has been added.
• A level 88 quest hints that the reason we fight Garrosh is he ate Thrall’s cookie that was clearly labeled ‘Do Not Eat’
• Shaman receive a class quest at level 90 that after mastering all four elements will receive the “Thrall State” stance
• In a quest to restablish Varian as a good leader, players will be his ‘wingman’ to help him ‘score’ at a Pandaren bar.
• To correct the ‘indignity’ of some classes wearing “skirts” or “dresses”, now all class sets have skirts or dresses!
• The Mogu are NOT related to the Mogwai.
• Morfeeus, a new goblin NPC added to the start zone, will remind goblins that they do NOT know Kung Fu.
• Players will face off against the elusive Warriors of Virtue in a new dungeon and learn a lesson about peer-pressure.
• To foster camaraderie among the Alliance, King Varian will now address all NPCs and players as “bro” regardless of gender.
• To match the Asian theme and tone of the expansion, item levels will be renamed ‘power level’
• Complete combat system overhauled designed around card games confirmed. Spells and abilities replaced with trading cards.
• In order to promote players to get out in the world, Warlock summoning spells will now also kill the caster and clickers
• Female armor does not contain any chain mail or plate bikinis. All pants are ass-less though.
• Mists will introduce a new PvE stat “NotSuck” that will boost all damage and healing in Dungeon & Raid Finder groups.
• In memorial of Theramore, Goth Jaina builds the new Linkon Park.
• Worgen Druids will receive exclusive out-of-combat ‘Human Form’.
• Several Lorekeeper NPCs added to world to remind players that monks are not ninjas, and China is not the same as Japan.
• Demonology Warlocks will be tanks.
• New Legendary Revealed! First Shield Legendary! In order to make sure it’s rare, it will be +Agility.
• Hidden across Pandaria are 7 magical orbs that, if gathered, will summon a dragon and grant your class a buff.
• Pandaren start zone quests include “Wax the Car” and “Paint the Fence”
• The origins of the Sha revealed! They are what happens when you leave Pandaren ice cream out in the sun too long.
• Hunters can tame anything for a variable length depending on the level of their new “Training” skill, even players!
• In a Horde specific scenario, players will face the Horde’s ancient and deadliest foe: BEES. And the Alliance will have a parallel scenario where they face their long time enemy: POOR PEOPLE.
• Tirion Fordring confirmed as faction leader for the Pandaren.
• The Argent Crusade will have a presence in Heroic Scholo. They don’t actually do anything, but they are standing there.
• Along with raising and maintaining a farm, players will also have to defend their land by launching birds at felboars.
• With Monks now in game, Paladins will be losing their tank and healing specs in favor of new abilities that make sparkles.
• Warlocks are getting a glyph that gives them a taunt, Mages will be receiving a new healing AND tanking spec.
• Players will receive a shocking twist at level 90 when a quest line reveals that a pandaren is just 3 gnomes in a suit.

@San_Lear

• The expansion ends with a tearful public service announcement from Garrosh on the dangers of steroid abuse.
• Thrall is forced by Aggra to move into the Cleft of Shadows after being caught trying to “get his Proudmoore on.”
• “Chow Yun Fat-Free” is a BOE cooking recipe.
• Everyone is thrown for a loop when the real villain of Pandaria is revealed to be Shepard from Mass Effect 3.
• The “Harrison Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Item” questline doesn’t go over as well as hoped.
• Druids are given animal forms of the rest of the classes. The Donkey Death Knight is scrapped as “too depressing.”
• Accused of Horde bias, the band “Level 90 Elite Tauren Chieftain” renames itself “Level 100 Uber Human Dude.”
• Battlegrounds get sponsors, such as “Alterac Valley, brought to you by McDonalds.” The winner gets a McSword or McShield.
• Alementals abilities are datamined. Beer Goggles: +85 inflation to ego. Debuff: Waking up the next morning.
• Players will discover the hard way that the Pandaren do, in fact, have a Kung Fu grip.
• Tirion gives one of Arthas’ twins to a moisture farmer to raise in Tanaris.
• Blizzard begins the “Pandaren, at least they’re not Ewoks” ad campaign.
• The real reason the Forsaken destroyed Southshore is retconned as the cancellation of the Alliance’s “Jersey Southshore.”

@Druidis4fite

• Hidden Continent of Pandaria was under Crusader’s Coliseum all this time.
• Warlock taunt only works on non-boss level mobs and mages
• Hidden continent of Panderia was inside you all along
• Stormwind Library adds several progressive volumes about Orientalism.

Other Awesome People

• New Race added. Trolls! no really please will someone play one of these, We’re bored of Blood elves – @DanRyyu
• Large styled belts are now limited to one per server, players can only challenge for these belts AT WRESTLEMAINA! – @DanRyyu
• All PvP players who refuse to fight near the objective will be permabanned after three BGs. – @CosmicLaurel
• Tier 14 Monk Armor revealed to be a yellow tracksuit with black striping. – @WalksTweets
• Monks surprisingly cannot use the /flirt or /hug commands and cannot enter Goldshire due to vows of chastity.  – @WalksTweets
• Completing 1000 Pandaren cooking dailies will reward the player with a pair of legendary chopsticks – @RogueDarren
• Arcane mages get 3rd DPS ability, makes arcane rotation 33% more difficult – @Leodartbok
• New Death Kinght ability: Furry of Frostmourne – 3 sec cast, turns your enemies into Pandas. – @Leodartbok
• Aggra is carrying Velen’s love child – @Atanae
• The Aspects are re-granted their original powers after eating the magical Sensu beans from the Pandaren. – @Katana_Angel
• Garrosh is discovered to be Thrall’s evil clone, created by the Royal Apothecary Society to destroy the horde from within. – @Katana_Angel
• Everyone can eat and drink at the same time. If you’re a Pandaren, you can eat, drink, and brew beer at the same time. – @WoWCynwise
• Just discovered! In MoP, BM Hunters get 2 min CD Bestial Xform – change into a twin of their active pet for 15 secs! – @BigBearButt
• Pet Battle System only way to earn Trinkets. – @Melofedge
• Genn Greymane gets rabies, bites and infects Jaina Proudmoore, and then sends players on a poop quest in Lordaeron. – @Druidleaves
• Pandaran cooking profession now include a recipe for Sweetfire Chicken sponsored by Panda Express, home of the flying wok. – @KneeDough

((A huge thank you to all the awesome folks that joined in the fun on twitter.  I love to see what people come up with.  To those who aren’t already, I would highly recommend following all these amazing tweeps.  They are an amazingly fun bunch!))

Hail to the Immortal Ironman

Kripparrian, the Immortal Ironman. Err... Irontroll?

Well, back when we did the original Ironman Challenge, I gave a huge shout out to Ironmary for being the first person to make it to 85 and conquer the challenge.  Well, since then we have got a new variation, which some have decided to call the ‘Hardcore Ironman’ or the ‘New Ironman Challenge’ or a couple different names – but I have decided to call it the ‘Immortal Ironman Challenge’.  Not dying is a heavy duty task to tack on top of an already difficult challenge.  A name like Immortal is deserving of one who can pull this off.

Thus it gives me great pleasure to announce that we do have our first Immortal Ironman Challenge victor: Kripparrian the Troll Hunter from Turalyon-US.  You can find more info and Kripparrian’s video here.

Congratulations! You are an Immortal Ironman! Eat, drink and revel in your victory! You have earned it.  If anyone sees Kripparrian in game, give him a /cheer!

(Thanks for MMO Melting Pot for finding this and sending it out on Twitter)

Food for Thought: The Rebirth of the Sin’dorei

If there was anything that I could honestly say that Cataclysm did that I loved, it was advance the storyline for the entire world.  Well, the old world at least.  There’s still some timey wimey whatever stuff going on in Outland and Northrend – but this isn’t about that.  No, this post is about the blood elves.  More importantly the complete and utter lack of story involving them in Cataclysm.  The same could be said for the draenei, but I don’t know nearly enough about them. So I’ll leave that to other bloggers.

But there was a huge missed opportunity for the sin’dorei in my eyes.  They could have become a major player in the new Horde.  Especially with the Forsaken now dead set on conquest of the Eastern Kingdoms, it will only be a matter of time before they have to cross blades with the Argent Crusade who have firmly rooted themselves in the Plaguelands, and with an army backed by a new font of holy power lying just to the north, one has to wonder if Lady Sylvanas would reach out to old friends in order to complete her mission to claim all of Lordaeron for the Forsaken.

But that didn’t happen.  In fact, despite the successful reclamation of the Ghostlands by a unified force of Forsaken and Blood Elves, there is little to no mention of their ‘friends to the north’.  Perhaps they fear the Sunwell’s possible effects on the undead?  Or maybe there is underlying mistrust after the betrayal of Prince Kael’thas?  Who knows.  The real question for me is more so, if the timeline for WoW has indeed move forward…  what exactly is going on beyond the forests of Quel’thalas?

What We Have Here is a Failure to Conspire

The question is really based on a small insignificant piece of dialogue from Wrath of the Lich King, where there were hints of a frustration in the ranks of Blood Elf society.  Despite Regent Lord Lor’themar’s decision to stand with their new found allies in the Horde then with the corrupted Kael’thas and his fel-tainted elves during the battle for the Sunwell, Ranger General Halduron Brightwing urges Horde players to not get involved with Lor’themar’s political scheming with the Grand Magister Rommath during the quest to reforge the ancient blade Quel’delar.

Political scheming? What’s this?  Is there something going on here?  Not entirely surprising since much of blood elven culture has been one of duality.  There is the seen – a simple tailoring shop – and the unseen – that uses demons and slave labor.  Even the guards seem to be on duty to prevent anyone from seeing the tears in the seems of the blood elf society.  The protesters in the Bazaar are quickly silenced and brain washed into behaving, the constructs patrolling the city shout off things like “happiness is mandatory”, and I will remind you that these were all occurred after Lor’themar assumed the role of leader.

Could it be possible that the blood elves are trying to reclaim their former glory through dystopia?   Praise the glory of the sin’dorei or be silenced forever?  It would go a long way to explain why Halduron would go the distance to make contact with the high elves during the crisis in Zul’Aman (much to Lor’themar’s dissaproval) instead of seeking reinforcements from Silvermoon.  If the man in charge of Quel’thalas’ defense is becoming distrustful of Silvermoon’s leadership, then I think we may all have cause for worry.

The Eternal Sun Shall Guide Us

And there in lies a great opportunity to advance the story of the sin’dorei!  The fact that the leadership is scheming, inept, and resort to such drastic measures as brainwashing problematic citizens could indeed be reason enough for a revolution in the ranks.  But who would rise up against Lor’themar?  The Farstriders?  They are now too few, and stretched too thin to be of any use.  It would take a powerful force to rise up and seize the reins of Silvermoon.  Someone who commands loyalty from their soldiers, is respected amongst a number of species, who has battled their demons and come out with a new found respect for the Light and what it means to uphold its ways.

Oh for Brann’s sake, I’m talking about Lady Liadrin!  Being the leader of the Blood Knights, she commands a large and powerful force that is now rekindled by the rebirth of the Sunwell.  She is on a mission to the see the blood elves returned to their former glory, and she is a reformed follower of the Holy Light.  I could easily see her leading her paladins to usurp the Regent-Lord and uniting the blood elves under her.

After all, if the blood elves quench their thirst now through the holy energies of the Sunwell, a Light-centric society would make sense. It would also introduce an interesting concept of a theocratic government, which really hasn’t been touched on before in Warcraft. The only possible exception being possibly the draenei since their spiritual leader is also their faction leader and their society has a strong affinity for the Light, but can you really say the draenei have a form of government? I always say them as refuges, not an entire civilization.  Either way, a Light based theocratic blood elf government would be a fascinating angle to explore.  It would also bolster the story of the Reliquary who are searching for ancient arcane artifacts for more power.  Why are the Reliquary bothering with this if the Sunwell now provides what they’ve needed since the Burning Crusade?  If they had rejected the Holy Light and decided to seek out purely arcane means to cure their cravings and redeem their society, well that’s suddenly a much more interesting reason.

It would also go a long way to explaining why the Forsaken would not want to get involved with the blood elves.  After all, the energies of the Holy Light are fairly painful to the undead, and their reverence for the Forgotten Shadow would put them at odds with their former allies, and would further drive the Forsaken into more isolationist tendencies of wanting to rely on their own instead of the orcs, blood elves or even the Horde in general.

I really think it would be an engaging and fascinating change up for the blood elves in Cataclysm.  Instead we got warrior trainers and Lor’themar got a few new lines.  Wonderful.  Fabulous. Great.  What wasted potential.  Well, maybe the next expansion will do SOMETHING with them?